Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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