I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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