There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
