Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
