The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
