Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
