When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
