Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Watching her eat just hurts me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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