My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
