You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
