I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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