matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
my liver is dry heaving
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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