Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
