I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
