It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just had sex on a roof
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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