This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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