He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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