I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Who did Billy Mays play for?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
