Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
