Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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