He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
