i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have post one night stand depression
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