Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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