Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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