i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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