I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
