I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
