lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
