Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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