I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you never un-have a 4some
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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