I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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