KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
should my penis look like a turkey
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
sex in a hospital.. check
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
