Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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