Please, let me fuck your mom
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
