Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
