thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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