i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
