I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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