Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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