I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
