And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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