alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
