Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
