my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
