all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
