I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
