JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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