Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
