you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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