She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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