You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
