Sober January is a disaster.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
